You say you want a.....

I havent continued writing my diary for different reasons.  First I guess is that I spend most of my days and nights watching TV news or reading news on the net.  The live coverage is the only way we can truly keep up to date with the ever-changing situation here.  It seems that since Mubarak's last speech, the government and the opposition are playing an irritating game of handball, alternately taking turns demanding what often seems to be the impossible from each other.

I also dont feel so comfortable making my true feelings public, at least not at this time and certainly not considering the obvious "dissillusionment" pro-Mubarak supporters have against westerners (including the media) here in Egypt.  I know I am not even a millionth of a drop in the huge ocean of public rhetoric here, but still one needs to be careful.

My life has been reduced to watching TV, cooking, cleaning and surfing the net since it came back a few days ago.  It's great to be online, that's for sure.  If for no other reason it is now easier to be in touch with my kids.

I would be lying if I said there werent times I havent been afraid here.  There have been a few moments when I felt myself nearing panic--perhaps gunshots in the street sounding too close for comfort, or needing to track down antibioics for an acute infection in my tooth and realizing it was past curfew and even if I could find them, they couldnt be delivered.  I dont know my neighbors.  Am I perhaps living in a building or area where people absolutely love the president and may hate foreigners, especially Americans?

I would also be lying if I didnt say I wish there would be a meaningful change here in Egypt.  I have been coming here and living here on a  regular basis since 1990.  I have seen the deterioration of the country and the breaking of the spirits of the people.  My recent blog posts about how frustrating life has become here, and the way the people here lie and cheat each other, and take huge advantage of those they perceive to be wealthy and priviliged foreigners.  I have been swindled here to be sure, and I blame this on the fact that the masses are becoming poorer and poorer, yet with the advent of satellite TV and internet, know there is more out there and feel entitled to it--even if it must be taken by dishonest or illegal means.

The situation here in total has become quite overwhelming.  As a foreigner who planned to live the rest of my life here, and planned to die and be buried here, I am now rethinking that decision.  I am of the age that I have expected more peace and contentment in my life.  I figure I have maybe 5 good years left where I can work.  I need to prepare for some kind of retirement--something I have not done until now.  I truly did not plan on having to spend as much money as I do living here, and having to fight for absolutely everything I need, or need to be done.  I need to feel more secure, and in control of my life.  I think seriously now of returning to the USA, but I am not near to making a decision.  It will be a long process.

I know I want change here.  But I am not a citizen and in reality do not have the right or privilege to work for it.  As a foreigner, I need to tread lightly.  I am considering my options.

Rumors

Text messages are circulating regarding possible terrorist attacks related to the bombing of the Alexandria church. People are warned to stay home, stay off the roads and out of large stores, shopping malls, etc. Some of these texts originate from people "in the know".

On the other hand, a government newspaper printed this.


Now whether these attack warnings are legitimate or not remains to be seen. One can only hope they are truly rumors. But with conflicting reports, do we really want to take the chance?

Can anyone, in a any country, trust state-run media? I dont think so, In short, better safe than sorry.

More on the Alexandria Church murders

I was so upset yesterday when I posted, that I really forgot to finish the last entry.  I wanted to extend my deepest sympathies to all those affected by this tragedy, especially to those who lost loved ones.  This is a disaster of international proportions, and it is also a horrendous and painful situation for those of us living in Egypt, whether Muslim or Christian or just plain human! In fact I cant imagine that a human did this...this is the work of an entity so evil...it is either Satan himself or one of his devout followers--I wouldn't even consider the perpetrator a human at this point. 

I also wanted to mention the overwhelming majority of Christians and Muslims--and Jews and those of other faiths as well--live in Egypt as neighbors and friends.  They share holidays, weddings, births, funerals, graduations--all life's events--as family, as  loved ones. There is usually respect for all and between all religions here, aside from the usual few whackos (I guess we would call them "rednecks" back home) who hate anybody not exactly like them.  Those people can be found in all races, cultures and countries though--it certainly isn't restricted to one place or time.

I guess my point is--in my own personal opinion--this crime comes from somewhere way beyond the scope of Egyptian citizens.  This crime is a result of an interloper, be it human or Shaytan.  There is some deep, dark reason this evil was carried out, and I don't believe for a moment it is as simple as someone hating Christian Egyptians.  There's a reason for this known only to Allah.  May He protect us and heal us as a nation, and as a national family.

The Alexandria Church massacre

I would be heartless and remiss if I didnt write about this evil atrocity in my adoptive country.

You can read much about the incident at Misry Al Youm, one of Egypt's online English daily newspapers.

For the record, this is NOT Islamic behavior.  True Muslims do not practice terrorism.  The Quran says, in an excerpt from Chapter:  The Table Spread [5:32] 

if any one slew a person - unless it be for murder or for spreading mischief in the land - it would be as if he slew the whole people: and if any one saved a life, it would be as if he saved the life of the whole people.

Muslims and Islamic organizations all over the world are mourning this act and are vehemently denouncing it.  I personally do not believe this murder was perpetrated by Muslims, but rather the work of agent-provocateurs with their own agenda.  I am not alone in my thinking--many more well-versed than I have said the same thing.

It is hard to imagine the shock and pain of something like this unless you get up close and personal.  Here is the last Facebook post of Mariouma Fekry, one of the innocent victims of this massacre. It is a heartwrenching read.  Kudos to blogger Organica for finding this post.

For those who wish to see this heinous crime as a Muslims vs Christian issue, I remind you of the story of King Negus who gave shelter in Abyssinia to the persecuted Meccan Muslims.  At the end of this clip the King, who was a Christian at that time (he later accepted Islam as his religion and died as a Muslim), upon hearing of the Islamic view on Jesus, drew a line in the sand and said "The difference between us and you is no bigger than this line."  This is true Islam!